My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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