is your mom at the bar?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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