Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
