just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
