Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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