spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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