I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
