yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
