Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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