I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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