me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
