At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my shit smells like andre
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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