so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
