dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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