it hurts more in the daytime
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
