Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
