I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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