dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
