I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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