update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
