my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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