his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
