wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
