i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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