So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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