i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
