she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
should my penis look like a turkey
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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