Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
