i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
