We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
