How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
