My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
