we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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