Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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