Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Everclear isn't food dammit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
