i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
