She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
