My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
