oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
