just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
