I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In other news, I just burned my penis
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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