I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
