Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
