I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
