Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
