sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
