god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
