im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
