I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
