The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
